If you've read my anniversary post you know how quickly Bill and I started our family after getting married. We celebrated the birth of our son three weeks before we celebrated our first anniversary.
During the five years Bill and I dated before we got married I don't remember really talking about kids. I'm sure we had the conversation but I just don't remember it. I know I talked to his mom about it because she was so excited to become a grandma and wanted us to start right away. She got her wish ;). I do remember talking about waiting until we were living in the same house, we thought that seemed reasonable, and until we had been married a few years. God had other plans for us though!
Fast forward past our wedding, our blissful summer of newlywed bliss, August, September, OCTOBER....that's when we found out. I was at school on a seemingly normal Monday morning recapping my weekend with my bestie when it dawned on me how late I was and how alarming it was that I was having several other, very noticeable pregnancy symptoms. I started to freak inside, so as soon as I could I rushed out to buy a pregnancy test. I felt panicked, hopeful, excited and scared at the same time. What if I was? What if I wasn't? When was I going to take this test? Turns out as soon as I got back to school I rushed into the bathroom. As I waited for my results I read over the directions again and again, just to make sure I did it right and that I know what I was I supposed to see in that tiny window. I stared and stared as I watched a plus sign begin to appear. I checked the window, referred back to the paper, checked the window again, looked back at the paper and immediately decided I needed a second opinion. I took the stick into my friend's classroom and immediately asked her to check it and see if it was right. And it was! I was pregnant! Then it hit me, crap. How am I going to tell Bill? He's hundreds of miles away. This is sooooo not planned. How will he react? Then I didn't care. I wanted to go to the doctor immediately and have this little stick confirmed, so after lunch I did just that.
On my lunch break I called Bill and told him. His reaction is not one you'd hope for, it's not the one you dream about when you tell your husband he's going to be a father, but it expressed his sentiments perfectly and said what I was thinking too.
The nurses had me pee in a cup and then they performed their little test. A few minutes later it was confirmed! Bun in the oven! I was given tons of paperwork, a new appointment and sent on my way. Many people advise not to spread the news until you're past the first trimester, like I knew that. I told everyone and their grandma's second cousin's mailman's dog. I was elated. It took Bill a little longer to get where I was, but that's ok.
The next few months were not so great. Morning sickness deserves a swift kick in the face. She's a nasty old broad and I hope to never see her again. After I got passed that everything was great. I felt awesome, I looked awesome and I was busy, busy preparing. Bill was busy as well working away and coming home every other weekend. It was rough being apart so much. I felt like he was missing out. As it turns out it really didn't matter.
Nearing the end of the pregnancy, as most women do, I was feeling very uncomfortable, very tired, and very ready for it all to be over so I could hold our sweet miracle. Since I was exhausted and my blood pressure wasn't behaving, my doctor put me on bed rest. I only had to stay in bed a few days before I could return to work so it wasn't bad at all. A much needed time to relax and slow down. ( I wish I could be put on bed rest now! Dr. Cuesta??? Hello???)
A few weeks later the anxiety piled back on. My due date was fast approaching and Bill was away. What if I went into labor and he wasn't here? What if he missed it all? What if something horrible happened and he was too late? You see where my mind can go? Dark and scary.
That's not how Billy's birth went down at all. We thought we would get to go in to our appointment on May 23 and he'd say, "Alrighty guys, it's time to have a baby." That's totally not how my doctor talks anyway. But instead he said, "Not enough has happened yet. Come back in two days and we'll do a stress test and check on the baby. Go rest. If we induce now, you'll end up having a c-section." I was NOT down for that so we went home, no baby, just a BIG mama.
The next day we had some mad storms come through. The kind that make you get in and out and in and out of the cellar. Well my almost 200 pound self was not having the most fun doing the tornado/cellar mambo. I was super stressed because Bill wouldn't get in the cellar, our dogs were running about, and my parents and their friends were having a party! You know severe weather is a perfect time to play cards and get silly.
My stress test was the next morning. Since we had received the "it's not happening news" on Monday, I figured we'd hear the same thing and go back home. That's not exactly how it went down.
I was checked into the Women's Center and all hooked up. Bill's super awesome and super sweet cousin Julie was working that day and got to perform the test. The end result was that Billy looked good, but my blood pressure was high. So, it was baby time! I panicked. Total panic. My good friend, Krysta, worked there and came in when she heard the news. She was all smiles and congratulations and I was a mess. She and I had been talking off and on throughout my pregnancy about one thing or another. She was even sweet enough to bring me to the hospital a few weeks earlier to walk me though how this whole "delivering a baby" thing. Even though I knew sort of what was going to happen I was a bundle of nerves. I ugly cried and she hugged me. Bill just stood to the side probably thinking he had married a freak show.
After I changed into my super chic hospital gown I calmed down and waited for our families to arrive. It was a long day that turned into a long night. Not much was happening. Not much did happen until closer to midnight. I was having contractions late in the afternoon evening, but they weren't too bad. My aunt came in and stroked my hair to calm me, just like she did when I was little and that helped when it was getting rough. I can remember her even instructing Bill on how to do it and him taking over when she left.
Since things were going so slow Bill decided to go get some sleep at his grandma's house that was not far from the hospital. I was mad. How come he got to leave? He was supposed to stick it out the entire time. Grrrrrr. Not long after he left the contractions were stronger and more frequent. I felt like I was being torn on the inside. Not a fun feeling. After a few strong ones, and my mother-in-law expressing her dislike for my discomfort, I sat up to blow my nose, because you know I was crying. My sister and my mom were in the room too and we were talking about it and I blew my nose and then sneezed. My water broke. EVERYWHERE! I felt like I had peed the bed. The nurse came in and I remember apologizing for making a mess while she was changing the bed sheets. My sister had to help me up and hold me up during the process. Poor girl. That mess got all over her feet and her new sandals. Super gross.
Bill was called and he rushed back up. There was not need to because Billy didn't arrive until 2:14 pm that afternoon.
The anesthesiologist arrived just after Bill for my epidural. Hallelujah! That thing is like a strong margarita in a bag! I'll take two right now! Just kidding....sort of. One person could stay in the room with me and hold my hands as they did the procedure. To this day Bill is still irked that I chose my mom instead of him. Bill is such a joker and a teaser. I needed my mom. She wouldn't make fun of me if it hurt, she wouldn't joke about my swollen face and if I cried, so I picked her. And I would pick her again.
The nurse knew my plan was for a natural (drug assisted of course) delivery. I didn't want a c-section unless it was absolutely necessary. So she worked with me, advised the doctor to give me more time, and even though I was super slow progressing, Billy was here in just a few short pushes, and many hours later.
I know many people have talked about what you feel the moment you see your child for the first time so I won't try to describe it for you because I can't. Just know it was truly amazing. When it got down to the final push my doctor asked me if I wanted to deliver my baby, um HECK YESSSS! So all Kourtney Kardashian style, I leaned over and pulled him out. Some may think that's nasty, but it wasn't. It was beautiful.
Bill was right there helping the whole time minus leaving to sleep. My mom and my sister were there to support. Krysta was there, even though she was technically off work that day, and my mother-in-law filmed the whole thing. It wasn't just like I had thought, but it worked out just the way it should.
Now he's two. Time passes by so quickly it's hard to slow down sometimes and just be. That's something I'm working on. Billy is learning so much so quickly. He's growing like a weed too. I was just saying this weekend how I'm mourning the loss of my baby. Somehow, somewhere he grew into a little boy and I missed it. I didn't technically miss it, I've been here the whole time, but I didn't notice it until I saw a recent picture of him playing at his "Nina's".
We love you Billy. To the moon and back.